How to start a eulogy
Start a eulogy simply. Thank people for coming, say who you are to the person, then go straight to something true and specific, such as a habit, a saying or a moment. Avoid dictionary definitions and life summaries. A plain, honest first line steadies you and lets the room settle in with you.
The first sentence is often the hardest part of a eulogy. You stand up, the room goes quiet, and everything you planned to say feels small. The opening doesn’t need to be impressive. It needs to be steady, honest and yours. Once you are past it, the rest usually follows.
This guide gives you a few gentle ways to begin, examples you can adapt, and a few openings to avoid.
The people in the examples below are invented. Borrow the shape, and fill it with your own person.
What the opening needs to do
Your first thirty seconds have three small jobs:
- Settle the room. People are emotional too. A calm, plain start helps everyone breathe.
- Say who you are to them. Not everyone will know.
- Bring the person into the room. One true detail, as early as possible.
That’s it. You don’t need a quote, a definition or a grand statement.
A plain, warm start
This is the simplest opening, and it always works.
Example
Thank you all for being here. My name is Joe, and Margaret was my grandmother. If you knew her at all, you knew that she would want me to keep this short, speak up, and stand up straight. I’ll try my best on all three.
It thanks people, introduces you, and in one line gives the room her voice and a small smile.
Start with a moment
Going straight into a story pulls everyone in immediately.
Example
The last time I saw Aunt June, she was on her knees in the garden at eight in the morning, pulling weeds and arguing with a pigeon. She was eighty-four. She looked up at me and said, “Don’t just stand there, grab a trowel.” That was June: never still, never quiet, and always handing you something to do.
Start with their words
If they had a saying, it can be the perfect first line.
Example
“You can sleep when you’re dead.” Harry said that every time one of us complained about getting up early to go fishing. I’m sorry, Harry, but I think you’ve earned a lie-in. I’m Ben, his son-in-law, and for thirty years I was lucky enough to be dragged out of bed by him.
A little gentle humour at the start can release some tension. Only use it if it feels natural and you know the family will welcome it.
Start with honesty
Sometimes the truest opening is to say how hard this is.
- “I’ve tried to write this a dozen times, and every version felt too small for her.”
- “I don’t really know how to do this, so I’m just going to tell you about my dad.”
- “When the family asked me to speak, my first thought was that he’d hate the fuss.”
Openings like these are often the ones people remember, because everyone in the room feels the same.
Openings to avoid
The dictionary definition. “The dictionary defines courage as…” It puts distance between you and the person.
The life summary. “She was born in 1941 in a small town…” The order of service already has the dates. Start with her, not her timeline.
Apologising for your speaking. You don’t need to warn people you might cry, or that you aren’t a good speaker. They already understand.
A long famous quote. A short line of poetry they loved can work. A paragraph from someone they never read rarely does.
Opening lines by relationship
If you need somewhere to begin, try adapting one of these:
- Parent: “My mum was the first person I wanted to tell about anything good, and the first person I needed when anything went wrong.”
- Grandparent: “Every Sunday for twenty years, my grandad made the same joke at dinner, and every Sunday we pretended to groan.”
- Partner: “I met him on a rainy Tuesday, and I think I knew by Thursday.”
- Friend: “She was the person you called at two in the morning, and she always picked up.”
- Colleague: “In fifteen years of working beside him, I never once saw him walk past a problem.”
After the first line
Once you have said your opening, move into your first story within a minute. The opening has done its job. The stories are what people came for.
If you are stuck on the first line, skip it. Write the middle first, the stories you know you want to tell. Often the right opening becomes obvious once you can see the rest. Many people write their first sentence last.
On the day
Memorise your first two sentences if you can, so you can look up at the room while you say them. Then look down at your page for the rest. Breathe before you begin. The room will wait for you, and everyone in it wants you to get through it.
Written with the help of AI. General guidance, not advice.